


in believing her(i realised how broken she really was.)

by lilys_bananas_coven



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Roanoke
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cigarettes, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Press and Tabloids, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Tension, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26464714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilys_bananas_coven/pseuds/lilys_bananas_coven
Summary: Shelby probably had some other reason, though unclear, as to why she so adamantly wanted to confront Audrey Tindall that night. She didn't have a plan, but still, nothing went as planned.OrAudrey opened her eyes to truths her mind couldn't bring itself to fathom, and Shelby couldn't have been more thankful to have her there.
Relationships: Rory Monahan/Audrey Tindall, Shelby Miller (American Horror Story)/Audrey Tindall
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	in believing her(i realised how broken she really was.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Here's a lil Shaudrey one shot for all your gay hearts. I know most people hated Roanoke but c'mon, I enjoyed it :/ for the acting AT LEAST, I know the plot was questionable. Audrey and Shelby's relationship should definitely have been explored more, hence me harping on it and writing this little thing hehe. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

She couldn't believe her own actions. How had she strayed so far from self control, allowing her limbs to carry her right down the hall to the door she was now standing before? Why was the woman beyond it so painstakingly annoying and frustrating to be around with her stupid, pompous get up and her stupid, sexy accent that made her sound better than everyone else? Why did she have to be so magnetic in her Alexander Wang cocktail dress, nimble fingers holding onto the stem of her glass as she sipped prettily on a dirty martini? How did she make that martini seem a lot dirtier than it really was? And why on earth did Shelby feel heat rushing to places it shouldn't have when the older woman seemed to tease her all night, from the 'accidental' brushes of her cold fingertips across her bare back, to the subtle smirks thrown in her direction when no one was looking, to that raspy little whisper in her ear as she walked past her saying, "Careful, darling. Might want to slow down on the drinks, hm?" 

  
\---- 

  
Audrey was clad in a white silk robe when she heard a series of loud, almost urgent knocks on her suite door. She tied the robe loosely in the front, expecting it to be Rory. Calling it an actual relationship would be giving them too much credit; they were just having a little fun while on the press tour, and it would be over as soon as Audrey got to return to London. Rory wasn't even quite up to par, but she was bored and decided to refrain from hurting his little man ego.   
Seeing Shelby on the other side of the door was not in the schedule. 

  
Audrey composed herself from her two seconds of shock at the sight of the woman whose character she'd just played on that stupid show. Smirking, she looked her up and down with a raised brow. Shelby seemed... Frazzled, to say the least. Her usually perfectly styled blonde hair looked more like a lion's mane. Her face was bare, not a hint of makeup on her high cheekbones and structured features. She wore what looked like a pair of men's sweatpants and a large hoodie hung on her frame without much thought. Still, she had an unmistakable beauty to her that Audrey knew she was drawn to, deep down. If she'd ever admit that, was a different story. 

  
"Well?" Shelby said, staring expectantly at the shorter blonde. 

  
"Well, what?" Audrey tilted her head, leaning on the doorframe as she crossed her arms over her slightly exposed front. Her robe was one wrong move from coming undone, not that she seemed bothered. Shelby's eyes wandered down briefly before she snapped them back up. 

  
"Aren't you gonna let me in?" 

  
"Oh, you want to come in?" Audrey had her signature, cocky smile plastered against her lips as she stood up and aside, making space for the taller woman to enter. 

  
Shelby held her breath as she entered the suite. The woman's perfume, or shampoo, or whatever the fuck it was left an intoxicating smell wafting through the luxurious room. She knew she couldn't just get this entire encounter done without breathing, huffing out an exhale after a while. Audrey walked past her, their arms lightly brushing as she headed straight for the mini fridge. Inside, it was packed to the brim with travel-sized bottles of alcohol. She bent over to peer into the short fridge, causing the hairs on the back of Shelby's neck to stand at the sight. Did this woman know what she was doing? After a moment, she straightened herself, a bottle of some flavoured vodka between her fingers. She raised it slightly towards Shelby.

  
"Care for a drink? Or have you had enough from the after party?" Audrey seemed to have a taunting undertone to everything she said; or was it the accent? Shelby didn't fucking know. 

  
"I'll pass." 

  
Audrey shrugged, slicking her damp, short hair back before twisting the cap off the glass bottle. She emptied it's contents into a scotch glass, and for a while the only sound in the room was that of the liquid pouring out from the bottle's thin mouth. Shelby watched as the woman brought it to her lips, licking the last drop out of it before she ditched the bottle for her now full glass. Well, half full. It was a really small bottle. She shifted her weight from one foot to another, uncomfortable by how calm Audrey was when it was just them. There was no loud, energetic persona she seemed to have when they were in public, or with the rest of the cast. Audrey may have been the most extroverted and confident person Shelby had ever had to meet in her life. Now, the woman was silent, but her confidence definitely remained, radiating off of her frame. Maybe that was the scent stuck in Shelby's senses.

  
"Are you really going to stand there for the whole night, love?" 

  
Shelby snapped herself out of overthinking her circumstances. Being called a term of endearment from Audrey was not unfamiliar, as she usually punctuated her sentences with anything from 'darling' to 'sweetheart', and 'love' on occasion. It was notably 'an English thing', according to her. She often said it without any regard, save for right now when maybe, just maybe, she really meant for it to be sweet. Because something about her tone wasn't so dismissive, something about it seemed less indifferent than it always was. Shelby awkwardly moved to sit on the lounge chair across from Audrey's, a little coffee table between them. 

  
"So, what brings you to my room this late at night? Haven't you got a hubby to coddle?" Audrey chased her words with a sip of her poison, body shifted slightly so she could face Shelby. 

  
"We're filing for divorce." 

  
At this, Audrey's eyes widened. As far as she was concerned, Shelby and Matt were more in love than she remembered her own parents to be. Taking another sip, she contemplated a response to this unexpectedly personal confession. Shelby and her were in no way friends, let alone such personal confidants to each other. 

  
"Well that's one way to start a conversation... Why? If you don't mind me asking, of course. I mean, aren't you two still madly in love or..."   
Audrey wasn't quite sure how to go about this. Shelby was annoying and she was sure the feeling was mutual, but she wasn't about to be downright mean to the woman now. She watched as a soft sigh escaped her lips, head hung low at her wringing hands. 

  
"You sure you don't want some of this?" Audrey spoke again, pushing her drink across the small table to where Shelby sat, the woman now looking up at her. 

  
With another sigh, this one defeated, she let a shaky hand wrap itself around the glass, sipping from it. Coconut. It wasn't vodka, Shelby realised, it was rum. She preferred rum. She allowed herself another sip before sliding the glass back to Audrey.   
Truthfully, this was not how the night was supposed to go. Not at all. She wasn't even sure why she wound up at Audrey's door, but of anything that she imagined happening, telling the actor about her situation with Matt was not something that even crossed her mind. No one knew about it. They had agreed to keep it quiet, at least until this nightmare of a press tour was over. She couldn't wrap her head around why she'd just blurted the secret out to the last person she wanted to know about it. Besides that sinking feeling of having exposed herself, saying it out loud just sent her down into another spiral. She did love Matt. Matt was her whole life for ten years now. Shelby knew that a part of her would love Matt forever. But hell changed him, and she wasn't sure he could say the same to her. It was like a part of his soul, a part too big to ignore, was lost from him. He seemed like more of an empty shell now than ever. Shelby couldn't remember the last time he smiled at her, let alone kissed her. Living with him like that for months after escaping Roanoke took it's toll on her and their marriage. But Shelby supposed Audrey was rightfully surprised. No one actually knew of the state their marriage was in. 

  
"You alright, darling?" Audrey's elegant accent broke her out of some seemingly never ending dark thoughts. 

  
Shelby's eyes stung with tears as she finally met Audrey's eyes. There was a warmth in her irises, like roasted chestnuts. 

  
"He... I can't say he loves me anymore. We barely talk. We don't touch. He suggested the divorce one day, out of nowhere. I didn't want to but I know deep down it's for the best. I can't live with him anymore when he doesn't even look at me. I just didn't want to have to let go of something that's been my entire life for a decade. But I agreed. Maybe if not for my sake, for his." 

  
Audrey nodded slowly at the new information. She truly hadn't been able to see through Shelby and Matt's very convincing act, then. Shelby could've played herself on the show, at this rate. It was almost impossible to believe the blonde's words when Audrey recalled the way the two smiled for the cameras, wrapped around each other like a match made in heaven just earlier that night. 

  
"Sorry, love. And this is because of the house?" Audrey prodded gently, lips around the rim of her glass. 

  
Shelby nodded faintly. 

  
"I know you and the others barely believe that what happened to us was real. It fills me with rage but honestly? I get it. It's just easier to act like that whole thing was one fat, made up story for a bunch of horror junkies to get off on. But no. It was real. I hate that it was real, but it was. The Butcher. The colony, the Polks eating jerky made out of human flesh? The fucking pig headed man. A ghost trying to drown me in the hot tub- you know I can't have a bath anymore without having a panic attack? The blood moon, and all the torches and pitchforks and blood, it's- It's killed me inside and it's killed Matt. It stole Matt from me, that fucking bitch!" 

  
Shelby had tears streaming down her cheeks, words falling out of her mouth without her mind's permission. She reached for Audrey's glass without asking, taking a huge gulp of the chilled rum. The actor's eyes were wide as she watched what was definitely a breakdown unfold, not knowing how to react. She reached over the table, gingerly easing the glass out of Shelby's white-knuckled grip. 

  
"I don't think that's a good idea, love. I'll get you a glass of water. Wait here, I'll be a moment," Audrey offered her some sort of reassuring smile, her own mind a mess as she tried to comprehend the situation. 

  
Shelby's sobs could be heard as Audrey washed the nearly empty glass of rum in the bathroom sink. Thoughts ran marathons in her mind. For the first time since getting casted to act in this project, Audrey found herself actually starting to believe that what happened wasn't all a lie. It couldn't have been. Not with the way Shelby was out there falling apart, without any cameras on them. There was no show to put on and yet she was broken. Guilt festered inside Audrey. And who was 'that fucking bitch?' Did Shelby mean that weird witch demon, assuming she was talking about their experience still? Or was that someone else? She dried the glass quickly, walking back to the little lounge area where the woman sat holding her head in her hands. She hastily found a bottle of water, filling the glass and bringing it to the woman. Shelby didn't look up or make any effort to take it from her outstretched hand. Audrey sighed, kneeling down in front of her. She thought twice before carefully placing her hand on Shelby's shoulder. The younger woman jumped at the touch, but recovered from it soon enough. She was met with Audrey's concerned gaze, the woman's face not more than a foot from hers. 

  
"Have some of this. It'll calm you down," Audrey spoke with an unfamiliar softness to her voice, placing the glass in Shelby's trembling hand. 

  
Shelby found herself listening to the actor, taking a few sips of water. Some part of her was upset that it wasn't alcohol, wishing she could just get hammered and forget her own name for a night. Still, she drank the water anyway. Audrey seemed to know when she'd had enough, reaching for the glass and placing it on the table. She was still knelt down in front of her, and Shelby wondered how she'd gotten the actor to stoop this low for her, literally. She was convinced Audrey mostly despised her and took pleasure in taunting everything she said or did. In fact, this may have been the first time she was expressing genuine kindness towards her. Even their very first meeting wasn't the most pleasant experience. These thoughts managed to ease Shelby out of her crying fit, but some anger still remained. What she said was true. The actors who'd been casted for that godforsaken show? None of them really believed it was true. She almost hated them for it, but she couldn't do anything about it. 

  
"Shelby, darling... I believe you. Listen, I know we've all made it bloody clear that we think it's a load of bullcrap. I felt that way until now. It is far easier to believe it's all a lie," Audrey spoke softly, a sigh following her words. 

  
Shelby sniffled. Her azure eyes seemed more piercing when she cried, staring right into the depths of Audrey's mind in search for truth in her words. It was hard to trust people now. She couldn't find any ill intent in Audrey's words; she had almost been expecting to. The woman did not like her at all so why wouldn't she say all this just to fuck with her for a while? She was an actor. She knew how to hide her real feelings, and she could've been doing just that. Shelby didn't think she could handle one more let down. 

  
"Don't. Don't... Say this shit just to make me feel better. Everyone does that. I don't want to trust another person just to find out they don't really believe me. I can't," Shelby whispered, crystal tears dripping from her striking eyes. 

  
"Shelby, I-" 

  
"No!" Shelby screamed, standing up abruptly. Audrey moved out of her way quickly enough, also standing. 

  
"I can't! Don't you understand? This thing plagues me and it will continue to do that for the rest of my life! I lost all my friends because I'm too fucking depressing to be around, and they couldn't handle my panic attacks, and no one fucking believes it was real! And the only person, the ONLY person who knows exactly what I went through? I lost him, too. I lost my fucking husband to one of them- one of those evil fucking spirits. You know the story. I wake up from a nightmare sometimes and he's jerking off in his sleep, calling her fucking name but he won't even kiss me anymore. Audrey, I can't. Don't give me that false hope. I've been through it enough times." 

  
Sobs wracked Shelby's body violently. She held her face in her hands again, sinking down to the floor. Audrey wondered how long she'd been holding it in. They were four days into the press tour, and for nearly three weeks more they would have to do this. Keeping a straight face, smiling for the cameras, acting okay. Shelby was completely shattered. Audrey's heart ached for the woman, for the first time. She knelt down beside the blonde, a hesitant hand on her shoulder. Shelby didn't jump this time, defeatedly looking up at the actor. She was a mess, waiting for Audrey to kick her out of her room, waiting for Audrey to tell everyone about her outburst so they'd give her looks tomorrow. 

  
She wasn't waiting for Audrey to wrap her arms around her, securing her in a warm, strong embrace. But that was what she got. The slender arms held her so tightly that she couldn't break out of them, too exhausted. She didn't mind, zoning out and trying to calm down to the sound of Audrey's steady heartbeat. Slowly, she managed to stop crying, remnant tears wiped against the latters silky robe. Her hands clutched desperately onto the material, scared to let go now. 

  
"That's better, love. Come, let's get you to bed," Audrey muttered softly, helping the broken blonde off the floor. She didn't mind how hard she gripped onto her arms for support, even though it did hurt. It was nothing compared to what Shelby had been through. 

  
"You can stay with me tonight. I'm sure Matt won't mind but I'll text him anyway," Audrey offered her a smile, sitting her down on the California King. 

  
Shelby hugged herself when Audrey let go of her. The loss of warmth and physical contact that felt so... so real, it almost made her cry again. She kept her eyes trained on Audrey, watching her pick up her phone to type out something quick to Matt. She doubted he gave a fuck, but Audrey was considerate enough to inform him. She set her phone down then went to turn off the lights in the room. At this, an audible gasp was heard from the bed. 

  
"Do you need the lights on, dear?" Audrey asked, but turned them on anyway before Shelby had time to respond.

  
Here, I'll keep the bedside lamp on and then turn the room lights off. Alright with you?" she asked, glancing over at her while she turned the lamp on as promised.   
Shelby nodded, hesitant. She was burdening Audrey. 

  
"I... I can just go back. I don't wanna bother you," her voice came out in a whisper, while Audrey returned from the light switches, the room now covered in a dim glow. 

  
"Nonsense. I don't mind the light. Do you need some more water?" 

  
Shelby shook her head. She shivered. Audrey noticed. She found the aircond remote and increased the temperature on it to make the room warmer. Her robe was almost undone, and she felt her face heat up this time, finally tying it properly. 

  
"Come on, lay down," Audrey tugged gently on Shelby's muscular arm, guiding her under the covers. 

  
"This duvet is heavenly, it'll keep you warm," she muttered, pulling it up to Shelby's neck, "Ah, but you Americans call it a comforter." 

  
At this, an uncharacteristic smile tugged at the corners of Shelby's lips. She didn't think she'd be able to smile tonight, let alone because of Audrey. The actor cracked one of her own at the sight. She sat down beside the younger woman, and they just looked at each other for a long moment. Audrey could see the exhaustion in the azure orbs, the pain, and it made her wonder why she didn't just believe her from the beginning. 

  
"I really do believe you. And I'm dreadfully sorry for making you feel that way. Truly. I couldn't find it in myself to understand, but... But then I saw how broken you are, love. I don't know how I missed it before. No one makes this up. It doesn't seem possible, but you're not suffering for nothing. So I believe you, Shelby. I do." 

  
If by any chance Audrey was lying, Shelby believed it anyway. Something told her that she was telling the truth, and she begged that the universe wouldn't be cruel enough to let her go through anymore pain. Hot tears wetted her cheeks again, and the actor reached out to swipe them away, shocking both of them. 

  
"Thank you, Audrey," she whispered, lower lip trembling as she stared up at the short haired woman. She really was stunning, perfect for being a celebrity. 

  
"Get some rest, love," Audrey smiled, standing up. There was a lot more she could've said, but Shelby wouldn't have the energy for it. 

  
"Wh-where are you going?" Shelby asked, hesitant. She didn't exactly want to be left alone. 

  
Audrey looked back at Shelby from over her shoulder, "Smoke." 

  
Shelby watched from her place in Audrey's bed as the woman opened the glass door to the balcony, shutting it behind her to keep out the cold air. Her silhouette stood against the skyline, city lights flickering behind her frame. Her hands could be seen reaching for a box and a lighter that she'd left on the ledge. She placed a cigarette between her lips, cupping her hand around the little flame of the lighter as it danced in the night time breeze, licking into the tobacco with it's heat. It glowed red at the tip, and the lighter flame illuminated her face for only a moment longer before it was gone. Shelby thought her face in the light of the fire was beautiful. She continued to watch as Audrey indulged in her cigarette, not once looking back at her or noticing she was being stared at the entire time. She took in the sight of her fingers and the almost tender way they held her cigarette between them, the way her lips would almost kiss the tip as she inhaled deeply. The way the pulsing vein in her neck would surface when she tilted her head back to blow the smoke out into the air, and the way her shoulders gradually relaxed as minutes went by. Shelby felt her eyes beginning to droop, in a haze. The only thing on her mind was the sight of the actor with a cigarette between her lips, glowing at the end everytime she breathed in the poison. Slowly, she let her lids down, unable to keep blinking, unable to keep watching. Something about it felt intimate. She absently wondered if Audrey knew she had been watching her so intensely, but couldn't keep a conscious thought for much longer. Sleep overtook her body, buried under Audrey's sheets, surrounded by Audrey's scent, mind clouded with Audrey's movements. The very last thing she saw before dozing off completely was Audrey, gazing calmly back at her from beyond the balcony door. The actor smiled to herself when Shelby's eyes fell shut, turning back to light another cigarette against the city. 

  
\----

Audrey stirred from her shallow sleep when she felt movement from the other side of the bed. There was a good two feet between her and Shelby; space was not a problem on a California King. She blinked rapidly, trying to stop squinting at the light from the lampshade. Her eyes settled on Shelby, who was visibly in some form of discomfort. Her body trembled and jolted every so often, face scrunched up. She began to whimper, tears squeezing themselves out of the corners of her tightly shut eyes. Audrey quickly scooted closer to her, sitting up slightly. She didn't want to frighten her by shaking her awake. Instead, she carefully ran her hands up and down Shelby's hoodie clad arms, hoping to soothe her. 

  
"Wake up, darling. You're having a nightmare," she spoke gently, voice in a low tone from sleep. 

  
Shelby shook her head, lips trembling.   
"M-Matt... No, Matt, Matt-" 

  
Audrey's heart twinged. She ran a hand through the latter's blonde locks, pressing lightly against her scalp in hopes of waking her up from the sensation. 

  
"Shelby, wake up. Wake up, sweetie," she cooed, a little louder this time. 

  
Shelby's eyes shot open, crystal blue irises staring right into Audrey's warm honey ones. Tears shimmered in them, making them look like pools of deep water. She whimpered; she could still see hell. The blood. The unadulterated fear that bred in her very bones. The fire. God, the blood. Audrey hushed her, combing her fingers through her hair and holding her arm. 

  
"You're okay, love. It was just a dream. You're safe now, darling. I'm here, no one else. Just us, yeah?" Audrey whispered, carefully coaxing Shelby out of her state of terror. 

  
"I-I'm scared," Shelby whimpered, hands reaching for Audrey. She needed her, she needed someone. 

  
"I know, darling. Come here, I've got you," Audrey mumbled softly, letting Shelby fall into her arms. 

  
As Shelby cried into the crook of her neck, Audrey tried to make sense of how quickly the dynamic between them had changed. If you had told either one of them they'd be in this position tonight, they'd have called you out of your damn mind. But here they were, body to body, skin to skin. Shelby buried herself as far into Audrey as she could, chasing her warmth, seeking comfort. She was safe trapped in her arms, safe from the rest of the world if only for a fleeting moment. Audrey hushed her, whispering sweet nothings into her hair while she stroked it, the other arm secure around her waist. 

  
"You're safe now, sweetheart. I'm right here, okay?" she whispered, feeling overcome with emotion in the middle of the night. She closed her eyes, keeping her own tears at bay. 

  
"P-please don't- don't leave," Shelby cried, palms pressed against Audrey's silken back. 

  
"I won't, love. I won't. Breathe for me. Listen to my heart," Audrey mumbled, tenderly holding Shelby's head against her chest. 

  
Shelby listened. The heart of a lady. She calmed down almost immediately at the steady rhythm of Audrey's thumping heart. If she focused enough, she could almost feel it in her own body. Her heart syncopated to how Audrey breathed, and she stopped crying. It almost felt blissfully calm. 

  
"That's right, darling. See? You're okay," Audrey mumbled, feeling a similar calmness take over her own body. 

  
"Thank you... for being here. I don't know what I would've done," Shelby muttered, finally able to speak full words. 

  
"Don't think about that now. Just try to get some rest, Shelby. You must be exhausted."

  
There wasn't a single hint of anything unpleasant in Audrey's voice. There hadn't been, for most of their night. Shelby told herself to think about what had changed so drastically at a later time. For now, she basked in the comfort of it, in the soothing rasp to Audrey's sleep flavoured voice, and the warmth of her touch. Wisps of sleep slithered around her limbs, making them grow heavy. She closed her eyes, breathing softly against the soft skin of Audrey's neck. Her gentle fragrance was a welcome change, as opposed to Matt's heavy cologne. A faint trace of cigarettes lingered behind Audrey's floral scent, and it was surprisingly pleasant. In a strange way, it suited her. 

  
"I'll be here if you wake up again. Don't worry now love, go to sleep," Audrey had whispered, lulling Shelby into a dreamless slumber. 

  
Shelby slept through the rest of the night. Audrey didn't sleep a wink, but she didn't particularly mind. She found that Shelby's body held a heavy kind of warmth, like a weathered winter coat. She'd been through more than Audrey could ever imagine, but that was what she spent the rest of her night doing; imagining Shelby's life as the woman in question slept soundly in her arms.   
They'd deal with tomorrow when tomorrow came. They'd deal with their rocky past if the alcohol ever brought it out of them. But tonight, it was just two souls finding solace in each other. Just two restless souls, laying down for the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Not really sure what that was and also a lil apology for any typos cuz I don't really edit shdhdh but I hope you enjoyed! Support is super appreciated, drop a comment if you'd like! Thank you and ily all, stay safe! :)


End file.
